Monday, November 29, 2004

I've Got The Turkey Blues

Apparently there is no more turkey.

Why does this glorious event only happen once a year?

In other news, the humans are being cagey. They keep referring to "the new house" and Softie has been trying to polish a bunch of old, ornate doorknobs in the evenings. This does not leave her lap free for me to lay on, which is upsetting. I sulked all last night and didn't sleep with them.

This morning the British One actually laughed when he found me hiding under the desk in Softie's chair. I don't like being laughed at.

I might have to take a crap in someone's shoes.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Meowy Christmas!

What a strange few days it has been. Normally Softie goes out each morning and gets into the big metal monster and goes someplace. The British One sits in the office and pecks furiously at a keyboard (that I am not supposed to walk on, but I do anyway) while staring intently into a glowing box.

Not so this past week.

On Tuesday evening when Softie got home there was commotion and the two of them sat up late watching the news. The next morning there was ice everywhere outside, and Softie got up, looked outside, and went back to bed. The weather got even crazier as the day progressed. It snowed and snowed, and then I heard ice hitting the windows almost all night. Softie and the British One went outside and walked someplace to replenish my magic cupboard, but mostly we've all stayed indoors.

I've enjoyed sitting in the large window in the spare room, watching silly humans outside try to dig their metal monsters out from the snow. Most are unsuccessful.

I'm glad I am in a nice, warm house.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

My Favorite Day of the Year, part 2

I've had delicious turkey today and I shall have more.

Being an older cat...well, just being a cat actually, makes me inclined to sleep quite a lot. Something about Thanksgiving Turkey makes me even sleepier.

It also makes me extremely happy!

My Favorite Day of The Year

I shall eat like the royalty I am for the next week!

In a few hours I will be feasting on the most succulent turkey ever. I'm trying to act nonchalant, but it's ever so difficult to contain my excitement.

Oh, if only this day came every day.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Chilly Nights...Warm Bed

Ahhhhh....there is nothing I enjoy more than sleeping on top of Softie when the weather turns. I like to sleep next to her in bed, curled up under her arm, but when the weather turns frosty it's much better to sleep right on top of her. She doesn't move around a lot in her sleep so she's perfect to nestle on top of.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Happy Birthday to Me

I am seventeen years old today and to celebrate, the British One and Softie have been making a fuss over me. I think I deserve it.

I have already been outside, plus they cooked me the most delicious feast of diced chicken for my breakfast. For some reason Softie celebrates her birthday with me. The British One gave her something called an iPod.

It looks harmless enough.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Something Fishy This Way Comes

I suspect the humans are up to something sinister.

Over the past month they have taken me up to visit the old lady several times. Each visit is only for a few hours and then we go back home. Prior to each forced visit, the humans really get uber-tidy with my house. Everything is cleaned, polished and gleaming by the time we leave.

Today a strange couple came into the house when the humans were away. They walked around inspecting everything and commenting on what they liked and disliked about my house. This isn't the first time something like this has happened this month, but I felt really uneasy about the way this particular couple seemed to like my house.

They saw me lounging in my chair, and tried to be friendly to me, but I decided that it was best to slink behind the sofa until they had gone.

Why are all these strange people wandering around my house?

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Dirty Kitty

Even though I am not fond of water (except to drink of course), I believe THIS might just be my new favorite site.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Who Says I'm O-L-D?

The humans can be so silly sometimes. I am continually amazed at how the tiniest of gestures excite them.

Take this morning for instance. A mere leap from the floor to the desk surprised and excited the pair of them. They acted as if they could not believe I could jump up that high. They both praised me and gave me a good scratching for my effort.

The British One was especially pleased with my performance, because he went into the kitchen of his own accord and fixed me the most delicious breakfast of diced chicken. I always know when I'm getting the good stuff because they open the door to their big, cold, foodbox and heat up something special. The food in the big, cold, foodbox is much tastier than the food from the magic cupboard, although if the food from the magic cupboard is in a small can it's infinitely better than the food from the larger ones.

To further excite the silly humans I did a fancy little maneuver and situated myself on top of the kitchen table. It has been several years since I last got on the table, so I thought it'd be a good time to let them know I could still do it. This small gesture really got them going!

Because I am clever and fluffy and handsome, the sliding door to the deck has been open for me to go in and out at my leisure for the entire day!

I am very good at getting my way!

Friday, November 05, 2004

What Exactly IS a "Dreadlocked Rasta"?

Softie and the British One conspired against me again last night. I was happily dozing on Softie's lap as she brushed me. The next thing I knew they were attacking me with scissors! Naturally I fought them and let my displeasure be known.

They kept saying I have "nappy dreads." Whatever does that mean!?

Yeah, so I can't reach my hind legs as well as I used to--but I can still clean them. Kinda. What's a few little tangles? The pair of them act like it is the end of the world or something!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

It's my birthday month!

I don't feel as though I will soon be 17 years old. Well, perhaps just a little. I find myself unable to do things I used to take for granted, like jump up into the front room window, or leap onto the kitchen counters. It's been a long time since I last took a snooze on top of the refrigerator.

I can only vaguely remember my former home and family. I remember it being cold, and there were many cats, none very friendly. I spent a lot of time hiding in the bushes of a large, white farmhouse until the old lady who lived there began to feed me the most delicious foods. First she fed me on the porch, then eventually she fed me inside the door of the farmhouse, which was very cozy and warm. She always let me back outside when I was finished eating. It was a pretty good life, although the other cats began to get suspicious when I wasn't fighting for food scraps at dinner in the barn each night.

Then came the day she didn't let me back outside. I panicked! It was best to hide out in the basement, crying, and hope that my mother could rescue me.

The old lady still put food out for me, but I was too depressed to eat. I wanted my mother! I wanted the bushes and the cold wind rippling through my fur! I sulked and continued to hide under the stairs. The old man would come into the basement and check on me. The two of them spoke kindly to me but I was too frightened to acknowledge them.

One day the old man came downstairs and grabbed me. I was scared and hungry so I didn't put up much of a struggle. He carried me up the stairs and into the arms of Softie, who cuddled me and held me ever so gently.

Softie took me away to the house we have shared together ever since. I was amazed at how thoughtful she was--she even had a bush in the middle of the lounge with lots of shiny gifts underneath. As soon as she let me into the room I ran behind the bush and had myself a nice poo, which was proper etiquette outside but obviously from Softie's reaction not such a good idea inside a house. Oops.

I had a lot to learn, but I had even more to teach Softie.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Cat Stacking is Wrong!

The British One is addicted to an online game called "Stack The Cats."

I find this game demeaning and insulting, and would advise all my fellow felines to stay far away from it.

Softie is just as bad. She doesn't play it very often but will sit and watch the British One play. And she laughs and imitates the voices and music. They don't even notice when I have left the room to sulk.

Again, I advise all felines to stay away from this website!

Cat stacking is WRONG!