Monday, January 23, 2006

A Tisket, A Tasket, A Stinker in the Basket

I had a truely wonderful weekend. The weather was lovely and I convinced my humans that it was in their best interest to let me venture outdoors for awhile.

The British One went outside with me and together we managed to make the evil Mooch next door go mental. He barked and barked at me, alternately trying to dig under or jump over the privacy fence. I felt it necessary to wander right up to the fence, flop over on my side, and swish my tail. He barked so much that his humans came outside and told him to shut up, and then he had to go indoors. Obviously I will make a habit of getting him into trouble. I do enjoy it ever so much.

Later in the weekend the humans decided to do some work in the Magic Portal, so I followed down the steps to help out. After loading the washer, Softie began rooting through dozens of large boxes filled with those shiny round music makers. It seemed such a boring task that I decided not to help her, and concentrated instead on helping the British One, who was sorting through more interesting boxes.

When they were not looking, I jumped upon a tall workbench and had myself a good sniff of the area. My humans were very surprised to see me up there, and made quite a fuss over me. I may be elderly but I can still jump when I want to.

The only downside to my weekend is that I am still being fed Eukanuba hospital food, which tastes vile. On the upside, however, I have noticed that my tummy doesn't cramp so much, and I am able to make it to my box.

Unless, of course, there is not a box available and I need to improvise with whatever looks most like a litterbox to me. I think my humans should take solace in the fact that the laundry basket was empty at the time.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Accidents Will Happen

I was a bad little boy overnight.

I had an accident on the rug in the lounge, and I had another accident just outside of my litterbox.

As a result, the British One has chosen to serve me disgusting Eukanuba hospital food. This is not a good start to my morning.

Monday, January 16, 2006

An Exciting Weekend

What an exciting weekend I had!

On Saturday, I helped Softie and the British One clean house. Softie was in charge of cleaning the downstairs area, so she began in the kitchen--which is one of my favorite places in the whole house!

I was fed a lovely meal of flaked tuna, and afterwards had a nice nap on the sofa. Softie woke me in the afternoon to ask if I would like to accompany her outside, which of course I did and it was glorious! I love feeling the sunlight on my fur, and the breeze brought interesting and exotic scents for me to sniff.

I stayed outdoors for a long time, wandering in the back garden and chewing the occasional blade of grass.

The British One had been cleaning the upstairs area, so after my excursion outdoors I climbed the stairs to see how he was getting on, and to help where I could. I decided the best place to help would be on the duvet in the second bedroom, and so I napped contentedly until The British One woke me for dinner, where I was served a lovely meal of sliced beef and gravy for dinner. What a life!

On Sunday, I coaxed the pair of them into letting me go outside again, because the sun was out and the weather agreeable. They sat outside on the back porch and watched me roam and roll around in the sunlight. To add to the wonderful day, I was given a nice dose of catnip! It pleased me greatly--so greatly, in fact, that I rolled around in it until I was covered from head to tail. Softie tried to brush some of it off but I was feeling too fine, and attacked the brush with great gusto.

The biggest surprise of the day came when the doorbell rang in the afternoon and in walked the old lady! I hadn't seen her in ages and it was good to be fussed over. She is somehow related to my humans, as were the other humans who accompanied the old lady. There were also two tiny humans--a little boy whom I have met before, and a very tiny girl who cried a lot. I was glad when she left.

My evening was capped off with a warm blankie and a good lap. Does life get any better than this?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Of Sinks and Wars

My humans are forever finding on-line time wasters. I think it helps them to procrastinate against any work they might have to do.

Currently, my personal favorite time wasters are:

The British One used to play an on-line game a lot, and ended up getting quite good. I mentioned it a long time ago in my diary, because every time he plays it he and Softie imitate the sounds and sayings, while laughing out loud. I think it is a horrible game.

CAT STACKING is wrong!!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Trauma & The Triumph

It seems like forever that I have been away from my house, my comfortable Poang chair and my familiar food dishes and litter boxes. It seems ages since I sat on the back of the sofa and watched the world go by out of the big front window, or aggravated the evil Mooch next door by rolling around in the grass in my back garden.

I was beginning to think I'd never see my home or my humans again!

The trauma of living in a small room at the not-quite-evil hippy vet's office is over. I must admit that the staff and Dr. M took good care of me, and it was interesting to chat with other cats to compare stories, experiences and living arrangements. I discovered that my lifestyle is considered to be "incredibly pampered." How is a gentleman cat to live any other way?!

The cats who boarded at the vet's office with me were very jealous when told of my living situation. At first they didn't believe me, especially that troublemaker called Powder, who considered me to be an arrogant liar. Oh but when they discovered that my humans would ring the office every other day to check on me, and saw that I was served delicious foods (including the joyous turkey baby food) they realized that I was not making it all up. Even Powder had to admit that I am something special.

Laughably, they tried endlessly to trick me into revealing the secrets to my successful human training, but information like that is too valuable to share to just any ole cat who comes along, isn't it?

One day I might reveal some of my secrets. I might even hold Kitty Seminars to teach others the "Sir Higson Nick Guide to Human EduCATion." I can almost smell the catnip I would earn from it!

But for now, I am happily ensconced in getting the household affairs back in order. Human ankles need to be rubbed on, sofas need to be climbed on, and laps need to be napped on. I shall conquer the world another day.